What did I get myself into? I have two awesome recipes to share with you all, but right at this particular moment, I really can’t be bothered to put the effort in. Why? Because my brain hurts! For some reason, as soon as we decided that I was going to stay home with the girls, my Peanut decided it was a good time for an attitude change. Instead of her normal, easy going, mostly well-behaved self, she became this…this…this…my goodness, I don’t even know! I’ve had to discipline her more in the last three weeks than I usually would in two months combined. When we’re out, I am constantly telling her to stop what she’s doing. She’s so tired and crabby. We’ve even gone back to naps, which had been pretty nonexistent for about 8 or 9 months.Ok, moment over. Thank You, Lord, for my beautiful little girl and I thank You that, someday, that stubbornness and strong will are going to bring glory to You!
We have a new favorite word in the house! “Why”. Oh, and it’s not just “Why?” *Insert answer to question.* “Oh. Okay.” It usually goes like this:
And so on, and so on. I literally take the answer back as far as I possibly can until I finally just look at her and say, “Why, what?” At that point she realizes she doesn’t have a clue what she’s asking why about and she just says, “I don’t know”. Now, as much as this is a tad bit annoying, I have to say I actually like it. Why has always been my favorite question (ask anyone who knows me). I’m all about learning the reason for everything in life, so I am, perhaps surreptitiously, loving the fact that my little girl has discovered my favorite word.
While we’re on the subject, Sunday was her birthday. If I’m being honest, I will say that the day made this momma sit back and reflect a lot. My little Peanut is 3 years old. It makes me choke up, just thinking about it. She will be going to school next year. Gone will be the days when Mommy is the center of her world. I swear, she has already grown up so much in the past month, I can’t even imagine what this next year is going to bring.
I remember the first night we had her home after she was born. I sat in her room and rocked her in the glider. I cried and cried as I held her close and realized the gravity of having a child. It was going to be up to her Daddy and me to raise her right, to teach her about God, to help her to learn manners, to instill in her good ethics and morals, to raise her so that she would not be lazy…all those things were MY responsibility…the future of my daughter’s life rested in my hands.
Three years later and I feel a little more confident…but not much. I think the longer you are a mother, the more you realize that you really know nothing and it’s all up to God to make your kids turn out right. Of course, I have to do my part, but every day I am painfully aware of my shortcomings and the ways I fail my girls. As my Peanut gets closer to the time when she will be out the house for long periods of time without me (school), I have begun to realize that I have fallen short in so many areas and I am desperately trying to make up for lost time. She may be the only Jesus the little kids in her class have ever seen in their short lives. What am I doing to ensure that they want to know what makes her different? When the other little kids are saying words that they’ve heard at home, have I made enough of an impact on my little girl that she won’t fall into the temptation of trying out those “bad” words?
God and I have been having some serious chats lately. Me to Him about how inadequate I feel, and Him to me about the strength that He has promised to provide me daily. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says, “…’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Now, obviously, Paul was talking about the thorn in his flesh, but I feel that I can so relate to this because there is no way that my baby girl can turn out to be awesome without God being the one who works through me to make her that way. Despite my vent of frustration at the beginning of this post, my oldest daughter is amazing, (usually) well-behaved, and incredibly intelligent. She is one incredible little girl, one who blesses me over and over every day. God didn’t give me a perfect child, but He gave me the one that was perfect for me.
Both of my girls are phenomenal and I am humbled, daily, that God has chosen me to be their mother for the short time we are on this earth. There is no greater joy than to watch my beauties grow and learn new things.
Lord, bless my children. Raise them up to be mighty women in Your name, women who do amazing things for Your kingdom. Wrap Your arms of protection around them, keep them safe wherever they go, whatever they do. Prosper them, oh God, and keep them pure of heart as they grow older. Thank You, Father, for my beautiful children.